I recently had the privilege of sitting on a relationship panel and an interesting topic came up, “Netflix and chill”. I must admit, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what this means, however, I was surprised or taken back at how common-place the phenomenon is in the world of dating. As I listened to the dialogue, I was thinking, “I know I’ve been out of the dating world for a while now, but this is borderline ridiculous.”
My comment was something like this, “is this what the dating world has been reduced to? … Netflix and chill.” Don’t get me wrong, I understand that there are college students who have limited funds and perhaps cannot afford a date; or those who are on limited funds for one reason or another, but Netflix and chill is modern-day language for what we used to call a “booty-call”, which meant when you got a call in the middle of the night to visit someone’s house, you knew what was up.
This being said, my interpretation of Netflix and chill is just that, a modern-day booty call or has dating been reduced to this? Comments welcome.
Inspired By Joyce M. Jones
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.” Ecclesiastes 4:9
It’s been nearly twenty-seven years ago – we enjoyed each other’s company enough for me to ask him to escort me to my ten-year high school reunion. At our church, he had become quite the reliable photographer. Willingly accepting the task of escort/picture taker, he escorted me to the reunion with his camera secured around his neck. We took the commemorative photograph together. The reunion photographer insisted that we stand close to each other. That’s the first time we embraced, though mechanical, it seemed very natural. I didn’t see him for most of the evening, I mingled with classmates while he took pictures. A few days after the reunion, he presented me with a photo album of nearly 100 pictures. I saw people in the photos that I didn’t recall seeing face- to-face. How thoughtful!
Of course I’m talking about my, now, husband of twenty-five years. The foundation of a good marriage is laid long before you say “I do”. It begins with a commitment to God; we were committed to God as individuals, growing and maturing in Him; brother and sister in the Lord, fellowshipping. We enjoyed each other’s company and started building a friendship by sharing our everyday experiences, and getting to know one another. I am so thankful for all that happened to bring us together in a divine union.
Prayer: Thank you Lord for the gift of love, the gift of friendship, and the blessing of our marriage. We give you praise for the joy and the love you have poured into our hearts.
Meditative Reading: Galatians 5:22-23
Before you start asking, “where is my Jesse Williams?” Let’s get a couple of things straight. We can all agree, Jesse Williams is the truth. He’s smart, intelligent, hella-handsome (a word I made up) and most importantly hella-woke, a word I modified. My generation would say he’s “conscious” – the millenials say, “woke” however you say it, he’s definitely a breath of fresh air.
Since his acceptance speech at the BET Awards this past Sunday, social media has been lit with all things Jesse Williams. We’ve seen everyone and their cousin’s mama posting clips of his speech, the many images of his wife along with the harsh scrutiny, to droves of females lamenting “where is MY Jesse Williams?” This reminded me of the whole “where is my Aesha Curry” mess that was circulating on social media a few months ago.
The cold hard truth is that you don’t have a “Jesse Williams” because you would not know how to treat a Jesse Williams, and/or you’re not on the same level intellectually or consciously as a Jesse Williams. Maybe in the past, you have dated a Jesse Williams but he was boring because he didn’t party and club but was focused on his education, career, and future so you didn’t see yourself in a committed long-term relationship with him, there was no passion, you needed excitement; perhaps you misused a Jesse Williams because he was “too nice” when in reality he simply respected you and treated you like a lady; perhaps you overlooked your Jesse Williams because he lacked swag and he wasn’t light-skinned with green eyes, you were too focused on the superficial that you missed out on a man with a heart of gold simply because he looked a certain way.
So ladies, there could be a number of reasons why you don’t have a Jesse Williams, and the first order of business is a self-assessment. Make an honest assessment of yourself (inward as well as outward) and you decide where is your Jesse Williams and why hasn’t he manifested.
I actually talk about my “season of preparation”; the 7 years that I was single, celibate and believing God for a husband in my book No Longer a Bridesmaid! which can be found on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other book retail sites. Yes, a shameless book plug about an easy read that I guarantee will enlighten and bless you. This book is for all the single ladies who are done dating and waiting and desire to be married. If you’re single and content with mingling, I wish you all the best!
I’m excited to share part 2 of my panel discussion with co-eds at San Jose State University. I truly enjoyed my time interviewing the students; we talked about everything from the Tinder app and the perceived hook-up culture of millennial’s to should they date someone with kids.
And FOLLOW the Relationships-411 Real Talk w/Terry YouTube channel.
I read something on social media the other day, where a person posed the following question, “why do men cheat with a woman who has a nasty house with a Raid bottle behind the sofa?!” Another person responded, “because men are looking for a good lay and women are looking for an upgrade when they cheat.” Wow!…
I don’t know if this theory is true, but it certainly made me laugh out loud; or as the younger generation says, “it made me LOL.” All jokes aside, is this true? In situations that I know of where men have cheated on good women, this seemed true. That the men were cheating down – messing over a good woman for trash. And the opposite seemed to be true for women. In situations where the woman cheated, it was usually for someone who treated her better than the man she was with.
Your thoughts. Do men cheat down and women cheat up?
By: Joyce M. Jones
(originally published in the Zoe Life Inspired Devotional (2012-16))
“Be kindly affectionate one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another;” -Romans 12:10 (NKJV)
My husband loves to tell his story about how we met, when I was the new member’s clerk and program coordinator, at our former church. As the new member’s clerk I collected contact information; and as program coordinator I worked closely with the new members to organize quarterly programs. I took my position very seriously. That may have been how we met, but he didn’t get my attention until later when my mother and I were in a car accident. While I was home recuperating, he called to see if I wanted to go for an outing. I consented. He took me for a lovely ride in the hills where he once delivered mail. On our way back, he made a stop. We then proceeded to an early seafood dinner. When he took me home, he gave me a beautiful, fragrant bouquet of 2½ dozen red roses (that he had apparently picked up when we made the stop). “How thoughtful”! That kind gesture got my attention and was the start of our friendship.
It was the phileo love (means brotherly love, in the Greek) that caught my attention. The love that is a tender, affectionate kind of love that friendships are based on. We were brother and sister in the Lord first; then friends, sharing our everyday experiences, getting to know one another, accepting one another, and encouraging the best in one another.
Prayer: Lord, thank you for the love of friends that inspire us to be all You would have us to be. Use us to encourage one another and build each other up. In Jesus’ name. Amen
Meditative Reading: Proverbs 27:17
I recently had the opportunity to interview a co-ed panel at San Jose State University for my show Real Talk w/Terry. We discussed dating, relationships and life on campus.
For part one of the panel discussion, tune in and join in on the conversation:
If you’re in the Bay Area, catch Real Talk w/Terry on Sunday evenings at 5:00 p.m. on Comcast 15. And follow host, Terry Cato on Twitter and Instagram @terry411cato for daily inspiration and to discuss show topics.
By Joyce Jones
“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.”-Proverbs 18:22
God ordained marriage, the union of man and wife. My husband and I commemorated 25 years of marriage with a vow renewal ceremony, including our children. It was held where we met, our former church, in the company of family and friends. These were some of my words I vowed to my husband: “God is amazing! Out of the whole world, you found me. We were both at the right place to meet and at the right time in our lives to fall in love. It makes me so thankful and I realize that our love is truly meant to be a divine union.
I don’t remember when I realized that I loved you or when you captured my heart, but I do remember when you caught my attention; I do remember the first time you took me by the hand; the first time you held me in your arms; and our first kiss. We were brother and sister in the Lord first, fellowshiping and discovering bible truths; then friends, sharing our everyday experiences, getting to know one another and accepting one another; then husband and wife, sharing love and life, building an amazing family together.
I am honored to have been prepared by God to share in your life and ministry. As things continue to change all around us, and the world seems to move so fast, don’t
forget, I’ll be right beside you, loving you with all my heart. I say “I do”, again.”
Prayer: Thank you God for my husband and my marriage. What you have joined together may man never put asunder. Amen.
Inspired by Joyce M. Jones
Meditative Reading: Matthew 19:4-6
Originally Published in Zoe Life Inspired Devotionals 2012-2016
I saw this posted on a Facebook friend’s page and commented, “That’s a great question! Men know the ONE and it does not take 2-3 years to figure it out. Even if they are still trying to figure “life & career” out they know who they want to meet at the altar and who the in the meantime play mates are. I have the privilege to speak about and write about relationships – so I talk to both men and women candidly about relationships all the time. And men have repeatedly told me, they only do what women allow them to get away with … so for the women if you want more – demand more.” This is sad, but in many situations true.
I recall being at a book signing event once, and a man shared with me that he met his now wife in a club. He said that at the time he knew that he was nowhere near ready to be married, but what he did know was that she was “the one”.
Book Signing Event
What do you think? Why do men do this?!