Saved – Single – Satisfied

1 Oct twitter_conan_a

I’m pleased to announce that I recently launched the YouTube channel, Relationships-411 that will compliment this blog. I am humbled and honored at how this journey continues to unfold. Every step of the way God has opened doors and paved the way.

I pray you enjoy this episode of Real Talk w/ Terry where I sit down with Elder Paulette Harper, founder of My Sister’s Keeper Ministries and Pastor Sheyna Heard, Senior Pastor of Rohi Christian Church who discuss being single women in leadership in ministry.


Couple of the Week: August Recap

9 Sep WeddingRings_interlocking

We were able to profile a pair of dynamic couples in August who gave some wonderful relationship advice.

Dimitrius & Cara 11844280_10206882555249814_1367787135_n(1)

We have three bits of advice for couples: (1) Remember that marriage is not 50/50, it’s a 100/100 percent effort; each person must give as much as possible. Sometimes your best may not be enough so the other must give a little extra to pick up the slack even if you don’t feel like it. (2) Give small gifts to each other from time to time for no special occasion. “I started a new job as a teacher recently and my husband gave me special pens and pencils in my favorite colors to wish me good luck … one of the best gifts I got all year.” And (3) remember we all have bad days … so assume best intentions.

RJ & Monica

11787231_10153071826237291_1951428593_nWill celebrate 5 years of marriage in October. Their advice: never forget the basic foundation that a successful marriage is based upon – God as head. Work hard to communicate effectively, and always show your mate how much you love them. Allow God to lead your path and have FUN as often as possible!

I Have My King’s Back

31 Aug Will-Jada Smith

Will-Jada Smith_2

The other day I saw a Facebook post that had the following quote from Jada Pinkett – Smith, Will Smith’s wife, I always walk three steps behind him to his left. Anything that comes toward him from behind, I encounter first. I can clearly see what advances to his right and his left. I also have my sights on what approaches ahead. If I stand beside my King, I can only focus on what’s ahead and if he swings his sword…I will surely be struck. Three steps behind is the most powerful position for a Queen.”

This post garnered a lot of likes and a lot of comments. I myself was humored at the part of her statement that read “if I stand beside my King, I can only focus on what’s ahead and if he swings his sword… I will surely be struck.” After reading the post a couple of times, I myself was compelled to make a comment. First and foremost, I did not think that Jada was literally speaking of walking three steps behind Will, I do believe – like most other readers and those who made comments that she was speaking figuratively. And my response was from a spiritual angle, “That’s a similar protocol for England’s royalty … I’d like to think my King has my back. Which is why my husband always sits facing the door of where we are to protect me from oncoming danger in his words”. As I mentioned in my comment, the protocol that Jada is speaking of – walking 3 steps behind “her King” is protocol very similar to that of the British Monarchy. And the motive behind this practice is out of respect, not for additional protection. Her statement sounds great in theory and figuratively speaking, but we as Christians are warned to be careful of leaven bread – half truths and deceptive teaching that is eloquently stated but have no spiritual foundation. [Matthew 16:12] The bible clearly states that God created woman from the rib of man – from his side – she was created to be a help-meet for man; a helper, not a protector. [Genesis 2:18, 21-23].

Everything that sounds good to us, is not necessarily good for us. Quite honestly, and with all due respect, her statement makes no sense and is not biblically based at all. As children of God, we have to be careful that we do not fall prey to schemes of the enemy through the use of eloquent words, phrases or leaven bread. The bible warns beware of the teachings of Pharisees and Sadducees.

Additional Reading

Royal Protocol & Etiquette

They Will Know Us by Our Love

25 Aug valentines day pic

Recently my Pastor taught a message on “The Dating Game: Love, Sex and Relationships [Navigating 21st Century Relationships with Truth, Grace, and Love].” The purpose of his message was to give practical tools that allow us, as Christians, to have a conversation about same-sex marriage. What he did next surprised me. He personally apologized to the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender (GLBT) community for the insensitive and hurtful nature of Christians in general towards them. I know that many of my brothers and sisters in Christ empathize with and support #GLBT but never has anyone that I am aware of publically apologized to their community for the insensitive and often condemning behavior of Christians; and this act of compassion on his part, I was extremely impressed with – taking the weight of insensitive and oftentimes ignorant #Christians on his shoulders during a time when most Pastors are either silently looking the other way or screaming condemnation.


He then declared that our church will love and cherish those in the congregation who are struggling with their sexuality AND those who are living a full out life with a same-sex partner. To help the Church deal with the controversial and often heated topic of same-sex marriage and relationships, the Pastor gave us three practical tools to use when we are having a conversation: 1) be clear about our convictions while not condemning others or affirming sin, 2) listen to the stories of others with compassion and thoughtfulness, and 3) engage others with humility and a respect for boundaries. Some in the GLBT community feel as though, if a Christian does not agree with my lifestyle, then they have a problem with me personally. And this is definitely not true for all. I, personally do not have a problem with the GLBT community, however, in the same sentence I proclaim that I do not agree with their lifestyle or the notion of same-sex marriage. I believe God’s Word, the bible, and the bible is clear that He created Adam and Eve. [Genesis 2:18-23]. And that marriage is between a man and a woman. [Genesis 2:24]. God is a God of order, I do not believe that He makes mistakes. I also know that we live in a fallen world and the bible says that we are born into sin. [Psalm 51:5].

Bottom line, the recent ruling on same-sex marriages from the Supreme Court of the United States has brought to the forefront major issues and considerations that the modern church has to contend with. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is for everyone. And as more churches find that they in fact have openly gay and transgender members attend their services – how will The Church minister to these individuals. Will they be shunned? Or Will they be loved?


My Pastor summed up this message with our Church’s stance on and boundaries concerning same-sex marriage and gay individuals. The phrase that he concluded with which has resonated with me is this, “they will know us by our love. Love never stops, lover never quits.”

Church, what would Jesus do?

Additional Reading

One Pastor’s Position Statement on Same Sex Marriages

The Bible and Same Sex Relationships

A Theological Reflection on Marriage, Singleness, and Same-Sex Relationships 


Couple of the Week – July Recap

5 Aug Chris-Kisha_2

We once again were able to profile some dynamic and inspirational couples in the month of July. We have a recap here, what makes their marriage work.


Sam & Johnetta

Christ first, family second. Remember your husband, wife and children are human just like you; forgive quickly, leave hurtful things in the past. [Philippians 4:8] Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. It’s wonderful to be married for 48 years and still be in love.


Pastor Desmond & Tanya

We decided that we would never let the sun go down on our wrath and 12 years later we have upheld that.  We committed to letting our last thought concerning each other be pleasant prior to closing our eyes.  Nothing is too great that you can’t forgive, kiss and make up!!


Demetric & Charalotte

Recently celebrated 5 years of marital bliss. Their advice for a happy marriage: keep God first in everything you do, don’t stop dating each other and have lots and lots of sex!!!


Chris & Kisha

Chris and I have been married for 3 years. We like to believe we are still in the honeymoon phase. We love to enjoy each other whether it be a date night or vacations. Sometimes just watching a movie together is all it takes for us to be content with one another. It is very important for us to be honest with each other and that we work as a team. Having two children both from previous relationships, Chris and I make it our mission to ensure we are on the same page when it comes to caring for our boys. As a couple, we believe that marriage is what you make it. We believe in our vows and trust that with God we can overcome any obstacle we may face during our journey together. God is number one in our marriage and without Him, there would be no love. I truly believe that Chris loves me as Christ loves the church and I honor and respect him for it. God is what makes our relationship work. We do not make it work for ourselves, we do it for other married couples and for our Father in Heaven.

You’ve Been Hacked

28 Jul AMsite

HackerAre cheaters getting what they deserve?! Until a few days ago, I had never heard of Ashley Madison; which is apparently the premiere site for spouses who want to cheat. The Canadian based company’s slogan is “Life is short. Have an affair”. I did some research into this company and learned that their most popular day for new sign-ups last year was the day after Father’s Day and their second most popular day for sign-ups was the day after Mother’s Day. Wow! Continue reading

5 Books Every Single Woman Should Read

16 Jul Woman_readingTheBible

I love to read. Every since I can remember, I’ve always had a love of books and a love for reading. One of my favorite places has always been the public library – I’m a nerd, I know! During my season of singleness, I had a lot of time to read and spend time in the library and book stores. At one point, I committed my reading to focus on books about marriage and being a wife. I read many books, the following have a special place in my memory bank and I highly recommend them to single women who desire to be married.

 Book_ThePowerOfAPrayingWife  The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

This book is jam-packed full of advice on praying for specific areas of your husband’s life; areas such as: his work, his sexuality, his temptations, his mind, his fears, and his purpose. If you’re single, you may be wondering, “why am I praying for my husband? I don’t have one yet.” That’s the point, to pray for your husband before he manifest. This is putting faith into action, calling those things that be not as if they were.

  Book_MakingYourHusbandFeelLoved Making Your Husband Feel Loved Compiled by Betty Malz

This book is a collaboration between 20 Christian women who share their secrets for a fresh and exciting marriage. Some of the chapters include: “Little Things Mean a Lot,” “Respect Him,” “Having Fun Together,” and “Encourage Him”. A constant theme in this book is just as the title suggest, “make your husband feel loved”.

Book_LiberatedThroughSubmission   Liberated Through Submission by P.B. Wilson

When I was single, this book was one of my favorites. I’ve read it several times over the years. When you mention the “S” word to many single or married women, it is often met with negative backlash. However, this book opened my eyes to the fact that submission is not a sign of weakness, but of power. And submission is the key to a fulfilling marriage – submission to God’s Word first and foremost.

Book_KnightInShiningArmor   Knight in Shining Armor by P.B. Wilson

This one, another one of my favorites when I was single; I’ve read it several times as well. One of my cousins gave me this book and after reading it, I was compelled to take a vow of celibacy and began preparing myself for my future husband. This book started me on my journey to being a wife.

Cover1   No Longer a Bridesmaid! by Terry Cato

I have a special affection for this title since Yours Truly authored it. I was led to write No Longer a Bridesmaid! after attending a marriage enrichment class at my church. My Pastor’s wife, who knew my testimony of being single, celibate, and believing God for a husband for seven years prior to getting married asked me to share my testimony with the single ladies who were in attendance. On the drive home, the concept for the book was conceived.

There are many books out there both Christian and secular that gives wonderful advice to single ladies and men. When I was single, I don’t remember there being so many books devoted to singles – perhaps that shortage is what fueled the abundance of resources that is now on the market. The aforementioned books don’t begin to even scratch the surface of what is out there. I merely wanted to share a few of my favorites.

Happy reading!

Interview: Pastor Chad Johnson

8 Jul TeamPhoto_misc


Founder: Elevate Ministries

Title: Team Chaplain, Pittsburgh Steelers

Spring Chaplain, LA Dodgers

Founder & President, Elevate Intl.

Degree in Christian Ministries

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with a long-time friend and brother in the ministry, Pastor Chad Johnson to discuss his work in the ministry with professional athletes and his state of singleness.

Occupation: Pastor Chad (PCJ) is the Chaplain for the NFL’s Pittsburgh Steelers and MLB’s LA Dodgers. He provides pastoral services for the sports teams in addition to life coaching for players, their families and administration. He leads player and coach bible studies, and team chapel before games. Some of his other duties include: conducting couple’s bible study, performing baptismal, making hospital visits, personal prayer, one-on-one discipleship, and mentoring.

Continue reading

Couple of the Week – June Recap

1 Jul valentines day pic

These are the lovely couples that were featured in June as Couple of the Week. They all shared great marriage nuggets and wisdom.

Darryl-EveLynnDarryl & Eve-Lynn

Darryl and Eve-Lynn just celebrated three years of marital bliss on May 26, 2015.

Word of Wisdom to Couples: “If there is advice to be given to married couples, it would be this, first follow the fruit of the Spirit. Then listen – listen to what is being said and how it is being said.”


Michael & Alice

Married August 19, 2000

Michael and Alice have been married for 14 years. Their words of wisdom for a newly married couple: “I have discovered that understanding my personality type helps me communicate effectively with my husband. Wow! I should’ve taken that test 11 years ago! I urge newly-weds to save themselves years of frustration, communication breakdowns and personality clashes by taking a personality test sooner rather than later. Even if your spouse won’t commit to taking the test, take it for yourself and learn about personality dynamics and be flexible to prevent severe taxation on your marriage.”


Pastors Andre & Faye Butler

The couple recently celebrated 39 years of marriage this past April. They stated, “the key to our success [in marriage] is persevering during the hard times which allows us to enjoy the good times now.”

If you would like to be featured as our Couple of the Week, email and put Couple of the Week in the email header. Include a picture of you and your spouse and 2-3 sentences sharing a piece of advice or wisdom with other couples.

Always a Bridesmaid!

25 Jun Cover1

I stumbled upon an article, Being a Bridesmaid has a Price that posed the question, why hasn’t someone written a book, a tell-all about the nuances of being a bridesmaid. I answered in the comment section that I had in fact written my memoir, No Longer a Bridesmaid which is a tell-all of sorts about the highs and lows of being a perpetual bridesmaid. In fact there is a section in the book called “Always a Bridesmaid” that discusses my personal experience as a bridesmaid for several of my close friends, the infamous list that most single women have, and my personal journey of how I prepared myself to become a wife while I was single.

Bridesmaid Image

This book was my first and I self-published it. In retrospect I sometimes wonder, maybe I should have pursued an Agent a bit harder to see if my first book could have been picked up by a big publishing firm; and have a shot at being thrust into the spotlight. In the big scheme of things, I don’t regret self-publishing my book, I do however regret that not very many people know that such an inspirational piece of literature exist. My prayer has always been that despite being a relatively unknown author that my book would be read by those who needed it. I echo the sentiment that was expressed by a small press owner who read my book – to give professional feedback – the only bad thing she could say was that not very many people knew that the book even exist.



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