Ungodly Soul Ties

2 Feb valentines day pic

In part 2 of the Saved, Single & Satisfied episode of Real Talk w/Terry, host Terry Cato has an in-depth conversation with two female ministers; they discuss ungodly soul ties, do we only have one soul-mate, on-line dating, can you out-grow your spouse and the declining popularity of the single’s ministry in modern day churches.

Bridging the Extrovert-Introvert Gap

28 Jan LisaB_son-girlfriend

By: Lisa Betz

My son and his girlfriend have worked through many differences: ethnic, cultural, and geographic, among others. But the one that seems to challenge them the most is their very different temperaments. She is extroverted. He is introverted.

As an introvert myself, I understand my son’s tendencies, but to his extroverted girlfriend, he can seem insensitive and frustrating. What causes such misunderstandings? The fact that introverts and extroverts come into the relationship with different basic needs, leading to different expectations. Expectations their partner may not understand. At all.

Understanding our different energy requirements

I believe grasping the energy issue may be the number-one key to improving introvert-extrovert relationships. An introvert expends energy while relating to people and needs solitude to recharge. Extroverts are the opposite. They need people-time in order to gain energy. Continue reading

Good Guys Finish Last

18 Jan willy-wonka1

A few days ago, I was watching my favorite version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory starring Gene Wilder. As each of the Golden Tickets were found, I found myself feeling a sense of disappointment and let down as if I was Charlie and in the movie. Thinking “perhaps, Charlie is feeling the same way as I do that all of the children who found golden tickets appear to be either spoiled rotten, ungrateful and/or entitled”.   After it was determined that the 5th ticket found was a fraud, sheer luck – and perhaps fate – allowed Charlie to be the final child who found a golden ticket. Oh how my heart jumped for joy thinking, “yes! A good humble kid will get to tour the chocolate factory!”

charlie-and-the-chocolate-factoryOftentimes, art imitates life and life imitates art. As I watched this movie, I thought to myself how often this plot line in a movie actually happens in real life. That the very people who seem ungrateful and entitled seem to always have good things happen to them; and those who seem to need “a break or a chance” almost never find those golden ticket moments in life.  As I continued watching the movie, and each of the 4 rotten kids met untimely exits from the factory tour before it is over, I again compare this phenomenon to real life that quite often those who are given golden opportunities and are unappreciative and ungrateful for the opportunity that they have been given will often time find themselves make a premature exit from or squander the opportunity.

There are countless professional athletes – too many to name – who fit this bill. They were given amazing opportunities to play professional sports, made millions of dollars, only to find themselves bankrupt shortly after retiring from the league. I’m also reminded of a young lady who received a college scholarship to attend one of the top institutions in the Nation – an Ivy League University. Instead of being appreciative of the opportunity she had been given, she somehow got involved with drug dealers and a murder – was subsequently kicked out of school, lost her scholarship, and sentenced to prison. There are countless athletes who are probably just as good as or better than some guys who made it to the big leagues but for one reason or another were not afforded the opportunity to play at the professional level or other students who were probably just a qualified for the scholarship but were not chosen, who would have greatly benefited from a scholarship to an Ivy League institution and would have not only been appreciative of this amazing and rare opportunity but would have used it to change the course of their lives and not end up worse than when they started.

That being said, I’m hopeful with the way Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ended. The story ended with Charlie, the good guy, inheriting the Chocolate Factory and being able to have his entire family live with him – what an amazing blessing! I know, this is a story, a mere fairy tale. But quite often, life imitates art and art imitates life.

I recall being single, and I remember a time when it seemed as if all the good men were either married or attached;  and thinking what slim pickings there are in the single men pool. I knew that there were “good guys” out there but I seemed to rarely come across any who were available. After going through heart-break and disappointment, I kept the faith knowing that when true love manifested itself, I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had indeed blessed!

There are plenty of “Charlie’s” out there who were given a golden opportunity in life and they made the most of it. I know, I’m one of them!

Real Talk w/Terry: Guy Panel

5 Jan twitter_conan_a

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with a couple of guys, who are single professionals in the Silicon Valley. These guys had strong and insightful viewpoints on the dating scene, their definition of love, and addressed the hot topic “do strong women intimidate men?!”

For the full episode click below:

2015 In Review

1 Jan WeddingRings_interlocking

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 6,400 times in 2015. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 5 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

A Christmas Message 

23 Dec Christmas image_red

The following message – with minor edits – has been making its annual rotation around Facebook for the past couple of days and worthy of a share. Continue reading

Real Talk w/Terry: Ask Terry

14 Dec twitter_conan_a

I’m pleased to announce that I will be periodically doing “Ask Terry” segments as part of Real Talk w/Terry. Quite often I get asked relationship questions via email, text message, and direct messages. As appropriate, I will share these questions with you.

Catch this episode of Real Talk w/Terry where I devote the entire show to questions that were discussed as part of a panel discussion at a Battle of the Sexes networking event that I hosted.

Before the Vows

7 Dec WeddingRings_interlocking

A few days ago, I was watching an episode of Divorce Court where the judge did a segment called “Before the Vows”. The Judge said something to the young lady that caught my attention. She told her that before she gets married, she need to first of all find out who she is because once she is married, she will find herself self-absorbed in her husband – I am paraphrasing, but that is the gist of it. The Judge’s advice to this young lady was spot-on.

Judge Lynn TolerI’ve had the honor to speak to and meet women from all walks of life. I’m no longer amazed that regardless of race, socio-economic status, education or lack of, region, or religious background there are some things like relationship patterns that transcend these demographics and are strikingly similar. I have heard far too many women – who either married young or found themselves in a committed relationship at a young age express this sentiment – once they were older and wiser – how they somehow lost themselves in the relationship; and more often than not things that they loved or were once passionate about prior to the relationship became somewhat of an afterthought. This usually led to resentment or bitterness, especially if the relationship did not work out.

I reiterate the advice of Judge Lynn Toler to this young lady, that before you find yourself committed in a marriage first of all find out who you are: your likes/dislikes, passion, and career. Go into marriage fully informed of what you may be sacrificing for the one you love. Marriage is work, a constant sacrifice for the marriage and other person. Both husband and wife must be willing to sacrifice for each other – if the scale tilts either way, the other will feel slighted.

Gavel-rings

I love to reflect on Ephesians 5:22-33 which speaks of marriage and how the wife and husband should honor one another. The scripture reads, “22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body. 31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Selah.

Ask Terry 11-25-15

25 Nov OpinonIcon

BlogImage_adviceTime

This one, I saw on a Facebook friend’s page and I couldn’t resist sharing. Basically, there is a young lady involved in a relationship who desires to be married, but has been given a choice: 1) we can get married but no kids or 2) we can have kids but not get married.

This makes absolutely no sense to me. My advice to this young lady is to keep it moving and waste not another day with this guy.  Your thoughts? married-couple 2

Do Strong Women Intimidate Men?

19 Nov ??????????????????????

I recently moderated a male panel which consisted of single, very eligible bachelors and the question or old adage came up, “do strong women intimidate men?” Inter-racial couple-2

Several women felt like they were having a hard time connecting with or simply meeting men who were on their level economically, socially and culturally. One of the male panel members brought up an interesting point, in summation, he stated that the “strong ‘black’ woman” persona was overrated and in many situations was a façade or cover-up for what really is insecurity. Your thoughts?

Be on the look-out for the full male panel discussion which will post in a couple of weeks on Relationships-411. Or Catch the Male Panel episode on Real Talk w/ Terry, Comcast 15 at 5:00 p.m. Sunday evenings in the Bay Area.

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