31 Aug Relationships-411

married-couple 3I recently read a post on social media that said, “the whores from high school are now all the Facebook Prophets and Preachers”. I was like wow! This enraged some women, who immediately became defensive and shot down the proclamation. I myself was not mad at the comment – I began to analyze it. The comment reminded me of a situation that I witnessed several years earlier. There was a young lady who attended college with me that had the reputation for being – for lack of a better word – a whore and a freak. I vividly remember thumbing through a well-known magazine, turned to the social scene and there she was arm in arm with a very handsome man; they had recently married and were being featured in the magazine. My initial thought was, “wow, this is Tracy (not her real name) from college – the campus freak!” Quite honestly, I was so surprised that later that evening, I shared what I had read with a close friend forgetting that I was driving with my younger brother and his friend in the back seat, until they overheard me say, “do you remember Tracy, the freak from college?” Then heard them laughing hysterically at my comment! I apologized for my language, and proceeded to tell her that Tracy and her HUSBAND were featured in the latest issue of a magazine in the social scene section. She, like me was surprised to say the least; her response was, “I guess there’s somebody for everybody!”

Married-coupleWith that, I’m back to my original thought when I read the Facebook post and replayed this scenario in my mind, “why do whores marry and good girls remain single?” I realize this is not entirely true 100% of the time, but for those ladies who like myself did not get married in our twenties and did not marry our college sweetheart, we lived life a little before we got married; I know I’m not the only one who as a single person went to a wedding where the bride had what we used to call “a reputation” and sat there thinking, “such-and-such, who is also known as ‘the whore’, of all people is getting married – Lord, why am I single!” I personally don’t hate when it comes to other people’s success and happiness, I am always happy to witness another’s success. However, I must be honest when I say that as a single person at one of these weddings, I would think, “if there is someone for her, Lord knows there is someone out there for me!” I’m just being honest right now.

married-couple 2Similar, to a phenomenon I wrote about Bad Boys and the Women Who Love Them, I think the same philosophy holds true for men who are attracted to and subsequently marry women who are sometimes considered “loose”. The initial attraction is in the fact that these women are exciting, adventurous, and may have actually pursued them. The man may also feel like once she is with him, she will no longer desire to be with other men. Whatever the reason, it just makes me wonder, “do good girls finish last?” and “why do loose women marry and wholesome women remain single?!” What are your thoughts?

Is It Okay for a Woman to Ask a Man to Marry Her?!

1 Aug Wedding Rings
Woman asking man to marry her

Marriage Proposal

This photo has caused quite a stir on social media over the past few weeks – a woman on her knees asking her boyfriend to marry her. The original caption and story that accompanied this picture when I first saw it stated that the gentleman had already proposed to the young lady, then at their engagement party, she reciprocated the gesture. All of this aside, and not surprising that after a few shares on Facebook, the original caption and story disappeared and just the image is being shared asking, “is it okay for a woman to propose to a man”.

I’ve actually discussed the issue of a woman pursuing a man, Loveclick for post, and should a woman ask a man to marry her, click for full post in previous blog posts.

What are your thoughts? In this day and age is it okay for a woman to ask a man to marry her?

Ask Terry411

30 Jul Ask Terry

July 29, 2014

This is a question that was posted on Facebook:

In a marriage, who should pay all the bills, the husband or the wife?

Ask Terry411

Financial Icon

My edited response:

Depends on the agreement of the husband and wife, every household is different and as someone else mentioned this sounds like a question for a married couple with separate bank accounts.

My thought on it, as husband and wife you have joint bank accounts that all your money goes into, therefore when you are paying bills it is not who is going to pay this bill or that but the combined money pays all the bills.

What are your thoughts?

Ask Terry411

Divorce Decree

Food for thought ~ over the years finances have always ranked among the top 3 reasons why couples divorce.



Is a Background Check In Order?

30 Jun

Is a Background Check In Order?

Do you do a background check on the person that you are dating? If not, after reading this, you may just start to.

He’s Not In To You!

24 Jun Couple photo

Originally posted on digitalromanceinc.com

The following post was originally published March 10, 2014 on another blog that I write for and was so popular that I wanted to re-share it on this blog.

If you’re single and casually dating, expectations or lack of can be pretty clear. However, if you’re dating and have been for a year or more, the lines start to blur and for some ladies they may start wondering, “am I ‘the one’?” Based on personal experience in a relationship and subsequent engagement where we had very differing views of how long the engagement period should last, I offer insight into a situation where a woman may be in a long-term relationship or even engagement and is wondering if she is “the one” who will meet this man at the other end of the altar.

If you are receiving mixed signals from your man that are leaving you wondering if the relationship is going anywhere here are some RED FLAGS to look for:


1)      There is no clear commitment. Has he verbally committed to the relationship, stating or discussing that the two of you were in fact in a committed relationship or have you been going through the motions of a relationship;

2)      He only comes over at night. We used to call this a “booty call” … not sure what the in word is for this, but if he only comes over to visit late at night and you usually find yourself in the bedroom, well, you are a booty call;

3)      He is not interested in those things that interest you. Does he show interest in those things that are important to you? A man who cares about his woman and has long-term plans for her will show some sign of interest in the things that are important to her. If he doesn’t show interest in those things that are important to you, well he may not be that in to you;

4)      You have not met his parents? Most men will only introduce you to their parents if they have long-term plans for you. If you have not met his parents, well, this could mean that he either is not ready to introduce you to his parents YET or you just may not be “the one”;

5)      You have not met any of his friends? Like parents, a guy typically will only introduce you to his friends if he has long-term plans to have you in his life. If you have not met any of his friends, he may be thinking short-term.

Happy Couples

Some red flags a woman who is casually dating should look for early on if she is trying to determine if a new romance is short-term or has long-term potential are: they have not been on a formal date; brief and/or sporadic communication; he never calls you, you are always calling him; when together, he leaves the room to take phone calls; and there is no public display of affection could all mean that you may be one of many.

Should More Black Women Try Something New?

20 May

“Stop Struggling with Shantionique…”

Inter-racial couple

I recently saw this picture posted on Facebook that caused a lot of stir and some interesting dialogue across the Internet. Most all of the women who commented about the picture expressed their disdain and were highly offended. The guys who responded had varying opinions, some felt like the picture was either an exaggeration or not purely accurate and others totally agreed with the sentiment.

First off, I personally think the picture is shallow, immature, and superficial. It is a simple statement that in my opinion is rooted in self-hate. True love has no color and those who are mature in their thinking tend to be attracted to someone who shares the same interest as they do, however, to dismiss a person of the same race simply because of their race is shameful.

Inter-racial couple-2

Aside from my personal feelings and motivated by this image, I pose the question, why don’t more black women cross over and date men of other races? This question reminds me of the movie “Something New” where a black socialite falls in love with a white man. Initially she is not attracted to him and attempts to go along with a plan to set her up with a more suitable companion who is also black. In short, the black man who she dreamed of having and thought she wanted sparked absolutely no romantic interest in her; and ironically the white man who she initially was not interested in, she soon realized she was actually attracted to.

The lesson in this is that sometimes we think we know what we want – we get it, and soon realize that it does absolutely nothing for us. On the other hand, trying something new and doing something different may just surprise you.

college students_2

What are your thoughts, why don’t more black women date and marry outside of their race?


Is There Such a Thing as Marrying Down?

6 May Career Woman_2

During a blog talk panel that I recently participated in the question was posed, “is there such a thing as marrying down?” [http://www.blogtalkradio.com/intheknow/2014/02/06/black-love-the-problems-we-face-finding-it-and-keeping-it] My answer was, “it depends on the person and what their definition of marrying down is.” For some people, marrying down might mean that they are in a white collar career and marry someone who is a blue collar worker; or for others this could mean, they attended an Ivy League institution and their partner attended a state university. I shared my own experience of when I was in my twenties, had just received my Bachelor’s degree and was having a difficult time finding someone who I felt was a compatible dating choice. My Pastor at the time, shared with and enlightened me that there was nothing wrong with me dating someone who may be a blue collar worker that did not have a degree if they were a hard working, driven individual that was equally yoked with me in other ways, primarily spiritually. I took his advice to heart and grew by leaps and bounds that day.

Career Woman_4 blue collar worker

Research shows that women are entering and graduating from college at a much faster pace than their male counterparts; especially among Hispanics and Blacks. An analysis of U.S. Census Bureau data by the Pew Research Center shows in 1994, 63% of high school female graduates and 61% of high school male graduates were enrolled in college in the fall following their graduation. In 2012, the percentage of female high school graduates enrolled in college right after high school had increased to 71%, but remained unchanged at 61% for males. The Hispanic community saw a similar pattern; in 1994 of both male and female graduates about half enrolled in college in the fall; and in 2012, enrollment in college increased for both Hispanic men and women, but the female enrollment increased by 13% over males. The percentages for Black high school graduates in 1994 showed that 56% of male graduates and 48% of black female graduates enrolled in college right after high school graduation; however in 2012, enrollment for black males in college right after graduation was 57% and 69% for black females; black females saw a 12% increase over black males. There is a concrete trend of more females entering college right after high school graduation than males. For full analysis click: http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/03/06/womens-college-enrollment-gains-leave-men-behind/ Has this pattern caused women to consider marrying down?

As we age and marriage is being considered, the whole marrying down phenomenon is a bit more complicated. Whether or not the other person has the same level of education may not be as important as if we have commonalities and are compatible. More than anything, I believe not just women, but men desire to marry someone they enjoy being around and enjoy doing things with; and I doubt if level of education or lack of will preempt this.

What are your thoughts is there such a thing as marrying down?



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