Ask Terry 11-25-15

25 Nov OpinonIcon


This one, I saw on a Facebook friend’s page and I couldn’t resist sharing. Basically, there is a young lady involved in a relationship who desires to be married, but has been given a choice: 1) we can get married but no kids or 2) we can have kids but not get married.

This makes absolutely no sense to me. My advice to this young lady is to keep it moving and waste not another day with this guy.  Your thoughts? married-couple 2

Do Strong Women Intimidate Men?

19 Nov ??????????????????????

I recently moderated a male panel which consisted of single, very eligible bachelors and the question or old adage came up, “do strong women intimidate men?” Inter-racial couple-2

Several women felt like they were having a hard time connecting with or simply meeting men who were on their level economically, socially and culturally. One of the male panel members brought up an interesting point, in summation, he stated that the “strong ‘black’ woman” persona was overrated and in many situations was a façade or cover-up for what really is insecurity. Your thoughts?

Be on the look-out for the full male panel discussion which will post in a couple of weeks on Relationships-411. Or Catch the Male Panel episode on Real Talk w/ Terry, Comcast 15 at 5:00 p.m. Sunday evenings in the Bay Area.

We All Are in Need of God’s Grace

30 Oct AMsite

I recently saw a show where the widow of a Pastor who had committed suicide as a result of the Ashley Madison hack and leak was interviewed. As this widow shared her story of losing her husband and life partner, my heart literally ached for her. Her story made me think of Josh Duggar, another Ashley Madison client, and his wife and what they both must be going through. The shame, guilt and conviction of knowing that the man – at the head of their house – who was so vocal and unforgiving of those who do not follow their strict conservative Christian belief system has major character and moral flaws of his own.

WeddingRings_interlockingWhat comes to mind is Ephesians 2:4-5, “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.” God’s unconditional love for us is so great that while we were dead in sin, it was God’s grace that saved us. He looked beyond our shortcomings and our sin and had mercy on us! We all are in need of God’s grace. No matter how perfect we try to live, even on our best day – we still fall short. The very sinful nature and heart of man should compel us to be empathetic towards our fellow man. Oftentimes, this unfortunately is not the case. I often witness, those of us who are mature in Christ feel it’s our duty to act as judge and jury to those who are struggling with a particular issue or sin. True, we must hold our brothers and sisters in Christ accountable for their actions, but must do so in love. And remember that Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. (Proverbs 16:18)

Rebuke in love …. we all are in need of God’s Grace! Hacker

Twitter: @terry411cato / @rlats411

Saved, Single & Satisfied Pt 2 

16 Oct

twitter_conan_aI recently launched my show Real Talk w/ Terry. In this episode I had the pleasure of sitting down with two dynamic women of God who are both in ministry leadership. 

This episode is part two of our discussion. Enjoy! 

I’m Divorcing Scandal and a Few Other Shows

9 Oct scandal_1

Is it just me? This season, I’m not feeling the flow of Scandal, How to Get Away With Murder (HTGAWM) or even my beloved Empire! I vividly remember binge watching the first season of Scandal to get caught up before I started watching Season 2. I recall being glued to the set when HTGAWM and Empire was on last season, however, this season I have yet to make it through a full episode of any of these shows! I record them all and have not felt compelled to go back and watch and re-watch as I did several times last season with any of these shows. I fell asleep twice trying to make it through the second episode of this season’s Scandal; almost unbelievable, I know. Continue reading

Saved – Single – Satisfied

1 Oct twitter_conan_a

I’m pleased to announce that I recently launched the YouTube channel, Relationships-411 that will compliment this blog. I am humbled and honored at how this journey continues to unfold. Every step of the way God has opened doors and paved the way.

I pray you enjoy this episode of Real Talk w/ Terry where I sit down with Elder Paulette Harper, founder of My Sister’s Keeper Ministries and Pastor Sheyna Heard, Senior Pastor of Rohi Christian Church who discuss being single women in leadership in ministry.


Couple of the Week: August Recap

9 Sep WeddingRings_interlocking

We were able to profile a pair of dynamic couples in August who gave some wonderful relationship advice.

Dimitrius & Cara 11844280_10206882555249814_1367787135_n(1)

We have three bits of advice for couples: (1) Remember that marriage is not 50/50, it’s a 100/100 percent effort; each person must give as much as possible. Sometimes your best may not be enough so the other must give a little extra to pick up the slack even if you don’t feel like it. (2) Give small gifts to each other from time to time for no special occasion. “I started a new job as a teacher recently and my husband gave me special pens and pencils in my favorite colors to wish me good luck … one of the best gifts I got all year.” And (3) remember we all have bad days … so assume best intentions.

RJ & Monica

11787231_10153071826237291_1951428593_nWill celebrate 5 years of marriage in October. Their advice: never forget the basic foundation that a successful marriage is based upon – God as head. Work hard to communicate effectively, and always show your mate how much you love them. Allow God to lead your path and have FUN as often as possible!

I Have My King’s Back

31 Aug Will-Jada Smith

Will-Jada Smith_2

The other day I saw a Facebook post that had the following quote from Jada Pinkett – Smith, Will Smith’s wife, I always walk three steps behind him to his left. Anything that comes toward him from behind, I encounter first. I can clearly see what advances to his right and his left. I also have my sights on what approaches ahead. If I stand beside my King, I can only focus on what’s ahead and if he swings his sword…I will surely be struck. Three steps behind is the most powerful position for a Queen.”

This post garnered a lot of likes and a lot of comments. I myself was humored at the part of her statement that read “if I stand beside my King, I can only focus on what’s ahead and if he swings his sword… I will surely be struck.” After reading the post a couple of times, I myself was compelled to make a comment. First and foremost, I did not think that Jada was literally speaking of walking three steps behind Will, I do believe – like most other readers and those who made comments that she was speaking figuratively. And my response was from a spiritual angle, “That’s a similar protocol for England’s royalty … I’d like to think my King has my back. Which is why my husband always sits facing the door of where we are to protect me from oncoming danger in his words”. As I mentioned in my comment, the protocol that Jada is speaking of – walking 3 steps behind “her King” is protocol very similar to that of the British Monarchy. And the motive behind this practice is out of respect, not for additional protection. Her statement sounds great in theory and figuratively speaking, but we as Christians are warned to be careful of leaven bread – half truths and deceptive teaching that is eloquently stated but have no spiritual foundation. [Matthew 16:12] The bible clearly states that God created woman from the rib of man – from his side – she was created to be a help-meet for man; a helper, not a protector. [Genesis 2:18, 21-23].

Everything that sounds good to us, is not necessarily good for us. Quite honestly, and with all due respect, her statement makes no sense and is not biblically based at all. As children of God, we have to be careful that we do not fall prey to schemes of the enemy through the use of eloquent words, phrases or leaven bread. The bible warns beware of the teachings of Pharisees and Sadducees.

Additional Reading

Royal Protocol & Etiquette

They Will Know Us by Our Love

25 Aug valentines day pic

Recently my Pastor taught a message on “The Dating Game: Love, Sex and Relationships [Navigating 21st Century Relationships with Truth, Grace, and Love].” The purpose of his message was to give practical tools that allow us, as Christians, to have a conversation about same-sex marriage. What he did next surprised me. He personally apologized to the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender (GLBT) community for the insensitive and hurtful nature of Christians in general towards them. I know that many of my brothers and sisters in Christ empathize with and support #GLBT but never has anyone that I am aware of publically apologized to their community for the insensitive and often condemning behavior of Christians; and this act of compassion on his part, I was extremely impressed with – taking the weight of insensitive and oftentimes ignorant #Christians on his shoulders during a time when most Pastors are either silently looking the other way or screaming condemnation.


He then declared that our church will love and cherish those in the congregation who are struggling with their sexuality AND those who are living a full out life with a same-sex partner. To help the Church deal with the controversial and often heated topic of same-sex marriage and relationships, the Pastor gave us three practical tools to use when we are having a conversation: 1) be clear about our convictions while not condemning others or affirming sin, 2) listen to the stories of others with compassion and thoughtfulness, and 3) engage others with humility and a respect for boundaries. Some in the GLBT community feel as though, if a Christian does not agree with my lifestyle, then they have a problem with me personally. And this is definitely not true for all. I, personally do not have a problem with the GLBT community, however, in the same sentence I proclaim that I do not agree with their lifestyle or the notion of same-sex marriage. I believe God’s Word, the bible, and the bible is clear that He created Adam and Eve. [Genesis 2:18-23]. And that marriage is between a man and a woman. [Genesis 2:24]. God is a God of order, I do not believe that He makes mistakes. I also know that we live in a fallen world and the bible says that we are born into sin. [Psalm 51:5].

Bottom line, the recent ruling on same-sex marriages from the Supreme Court of the United States has brought to the forefront major issues and considerations that the modern church has to contend with. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is for everyone. And as more churches find that they in fact have openly gay and transgender members attend their services – how will The Church minister to these individuals. Will they be shunned? Or Will they be loved?


My Pastor summed up this message with our Church’s stance on and boundaries concerning same-sex marriage and gay individuals. The phrase that he concluded with which has resonated with me is this, “they will know us by our love. Love never stops, lover never quits.”

Church, what would Jesus do?

Additional Reading

One Pastor’s Position Statement on Same Sex Marriages

The Bible and Same Sex Relationships

A Theological Reflection on Marriage, Singleness, and Same-Sex Relationships 


Couple of the Week – July Recap

5 Aug Chris-Kisha_2

We once again were able to profile some dynamic and inspirational couples in the month of July. We have a recap here, what makes their marriage work.


Sam & Johnetta

Christ first, family second. Remember your husband, wife and children are human just like you; forgive quickly, leave hurtful things in the past. [Philippians 4:8] Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. It’s wonderful to be married for 48 years and still be in love.


Pastor Desmond & Tanya

We decided that we would never let the sun go down on our wrath and 12 years later we have upheld that.  We committed to letting our last thought concerning each other be pleasant prior to closing our eyes.  Nothing is too great that you can’t forgive, kiss and make up!!


Demetric & Charalotte

Recently celebrated 5 years of marital bliss. Their advice for a happy marriage: keep God first in everything you do, don’t stop dating each other and have lots and lots of sex!!!


Chris & Kisha

Chris and I have been married for 3 years. We like to believe we are still in the honeymoon phase. We love to enjoy each other whether it be a date night or vacations. Sometimes just watching a movie together is all it takes for us to be content with one another. It is very important for us to be honest with each other and that we work as a team. Having two children both from previous relationships, Chris and I make it our mission to ensure we are on the same page when it comes to caring for our boys. As a couple, we believe that marriage is what you make it. We believe in our vows and trust that with God we can overcome any obstacle we may face during our journey together. God is number one in our marriage and without Him, there would be no love. I truly believe that Chris loves me as Christ loves the church and I honor and respect him for it. God is what makes our relationship work. We do not make it work for ourselves, we do it for other married couples and for our Father in Heaven.


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