GOD, Is There a Soul Mate for Me?!

25 Oct Married-couple

George ClooneyA few months ago, I read an article where George Clooney was quoted saying that he had not met the love of his life yet; and in a December 2013 People magazine article, Clooney stated that he had yet to find the true love of his life.

In response to Clooney’s statements regarding his love life, The Talk’s Everybody Talks segment posed a question, “does everyone have a soul mate?” I was privileged to have my response aired during the segment. In summary, my response was “yes, I absolutely believe that everyone has a soul mate” – not even 12 months later, who is married? You guessed right, George Clooney!

George Clooney wedding pic

In line with my response to the question they posed regarding does everyone have a soul mate, I have asserted before and will say again that true love has a way of finding you when you’re ready for it. If you’re like Clooney and think that you do not have a soul mate or that there is no one for you – when you least expect, true love will find you. I stand on my assertion that true love will find you when you’re ready for it.

Ray Rice: A Modern Day Witch Hunt

15 Sep NFL_Ray Rice

A few days ago, I posted a lengthy and emotionally laced blog post which was my view, a different perspective on the Ray Rice situation. One point that I made was the way in which law enforcement chose to handle the case. My main argument was that had Prosecutors thoroughly done their job, demonstrating a weighty stance on the matter, the trickle-down effect would have influenced how the Team and League chose to initially deal with the issue. TMZ has reported that several Prosecutors in the Atlantic City Prosecutor’s Office have stated that the Rice criminal case was handled “outrageously and shamefully” and decisions were made behind closed doors. I’m relieved to learn that the Prosecutor’s Office is being vocal – even under anonymity – about their mishandling of the case.

NFL-Ravens_Steve Biscotti

Ravens owner, Steve Biscotti stated in an interview that they should have done more to get the elevator video instead of giving up; and has apologized to Raven’s fans, season ticket holders and sponsors. Commissioner Roger Goodell – in full crisis mode – stated that right now they are embarrassed about their handling of the matter and hopes that in 5 years they will look back and realize they did the right thing. This is quite outrageous, the league has made a major decision that affects a man’s livelihood and career and you “hope” it was the right thing! Domestic violence advocates, politicians and many other parties anxious to boost their plat form are now coming for Goodell demanding that he resign. I’m just waiting for them to start demanding that Biscotti sell his interest in the team … wait for it!

NFL_RogerGoodell

The only good thing that has come of all this is that it has once again thrust not just domestic violence but violence against women to the forefront of people’s conscience. Prior to this incident, the NFL did not have a clear and defined standard with which they disciplined players for domestic violence charges. My hope is that going forward the precedent has been set – time will tell.

A Different Perspective on the Ray Rice Situation

10 Sep Ray Rice

I’ve tried to remain silent about this Ray Rice incident and how the NFL and law enforcement have chosen to handle it, until I finally let loose on my poor sister exclaiming that I was totally pissed off at the media and how they were crucifying this man and his wife in the court of public opinion. Before, I go on I must first yell that, I IN NO WAY CONDONE HOW RAY RICE TREATED HIS WIFE; and I have much empathy for victims of domestic abuse, as a child I witnessed domestic violence first hand, and can relate to the pain and dysfunction this causes. Rice was wrong for putting his hands on his wife and should be disciplined for it; initially, he was, the league suspended him for two games – law enforcement chose not to act.

My primary issue is that this incident based on the video evidence is a matter of law, an assault – why was he not charged with a crime? Did law enforcement even investigate the matter? Were they aware of or did they view the video footage of the incident inside of the elevator or did they make a decision based on what happened as the couple exited the elevator? The questions are endless, but one thing seems apparent is that law enforcement dropped the ball big time on this one or they in fact did an investigation and are not making the report public.

With that, my secondary issue is that the NFL and the team have been forced to handle a personal matter under the scrutiny of a hostile public. The initial punishment was a 2 game suspension – now that more details of the incident have surfaced, the team released him of his duties and the league has suspended him indefinitely. I understand that the team and the NFL both have an image to protect, and that image, quite honestly is the only reason they have acted at all. Domestic violence is nothing new as it relates to not only professional athletes, but society as a whole. How often does someone’s employer care if they are a perpetrator or even a victim of domestic violence? How many times has the NFL or any employer so harshly disciplined a perpetrator of domestic violence? It’s rare, and I can only think of a few times but the punishment and backlash was nothing like what is happening with Rice, because most issues of domestic violence are private and rarely become a public spectacle as has this Rice situation.

Ray McDonald

Right now, the San Francisco 49ers are dealing with defensive tackle Ray McDonald’s domestic violence incident waiting to see how law enforcement is going to handle his matter. Being that law enforcement has an active investigation happening, I applaud the team for not giving in to public opinion that has been exacerbated by the mishandling of Rice’s situation by making a rushed disciplinary decision concerning McDonald. http://www.mercurynews.com/49ers/ci_26497579/49ers-jed-york-ray-mcdonald-is-not-ray

Another high profile domestic violence case in San Francisco involved Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi; who was charged with domestic violence battery, child endangerment, and dissuading a witness after a New Year’s Eve altercation with his wife. He pleaded guilty to one count of misdemeanor false imprisonment; and was suspended from his position pendDomestic Violence_ross-mirkarimiing an ethics investigation. After months of in-fighting, Mirkarimi was re-instated to his position and has since moved on with his life. http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Ross-Mirkarimi-shunned-by-many-political-insiders-4880455.php

A few other highly public domestic violence matters that come to mind include: former Arizona Diamondbacks player, Bobby Chouinard who was charged with felony aggravated assault after being arrested for pointing a gun to his wife’s head on Christmas night. http://www.cbsnews.com/news/dbacks-chouinard-arrested/ There didn’t appear to be much backlash from the public in Chouinard’s matter, but he was released fromDomesticViolence_BobbyChouinard the team not long after the incident; former Phoenix Suns guard, Jason Kidd, accused of slapping his then wife in the mouth during a dispute was arrested and pleaded guilty to domestic abuse. Kidd attended anger management and counseling but was still traded shortly after the incident. Jerry Colangelo, CEO/Managing Partner of the Phoenix Suns and Arizona Diamondbacks during the time of these incidents had a zero tolerance policy when it came to players exhibiting bad behavior. This in no way is an exhaustive list – and not meant to be – of domestic violence issues concerning professional athletes, merely a few of the ones that I recall being public hot buttons. DomesticViolence_JasonKidd

My third issue is the court of public opinion where there are people – mainly women saying that his wife is stupid for staying with him and still marrying him after how he treated her and are happy that the Ravens released him and the NFL suspended him indefinitely. This really angered me because my thought is this – why are these women judging his wife so harshly when they do not fully know the details of this relationship or why she chose to stay with this man; all they know is what the media is telling us and what they saw months ago in video footage of what happened as they exited the elevator and more recently, what actually transpired while they were in the elevatoDomesticViolence_RayRiceandWife2r – with no audio, and one vantage point. We can all point the finger and play the blame game from now until dooms day, but the real issue here is domestic abuse and how it is viewed and handled in society. There are many women (and men) who have fallen victim to domestic violence – they suffer in silence because quite often no one knows, not even those closest to them. The issue of domestic violence is a complicated one, because no one really knows why an abuse victim will often choose to stay with the perpetrator. Could this be why these women are so happy about the back lash and punishment of Ray Rice because in their psychological reasoning, the punishment coming down on Rice is in fact the punishment that should befall all domestic violence perpetrators; and more importantly their own abuser?! Is this secretly why so many women are ecstatic about how the team and NFL have handled him? Do they somehow see themselves in this unfortunate story? Or maybe they’re comparing notes and their story ended differently and they were left feeling slighted?

Regardless, I DO NOT agree that he should have lost his job and surely not be suspended indefinitely from the NFL because there have been many professional athletes (and others) before, there currently are, and perhaps will continue to be those who feel they can resolve their issue with physical violence. This precedent sends the message that key decision makers will cave under pressure and make brash decisions to calm the public. This might temporarily make people happy, but does it get to the root of the problem – men and women who have an issue resolving conflict without resorting to physical violence. Instead, the league should have mandated counseling and anger management for the couple. Teaching them to maturely resolve their conflict will do more for the cause of domestic violence and their future legacy than the team and league washing their hands of the problem. DomesticViolence_RayRiceandWife

I am being vocal and expressing a minority viewpoint about a sensitive issue that I myself can relate to being that I was a child who witnessed domestic violence; and know first-hand the trauma and anxiety it causes in children. Like always, I am marching to my own beat on this issue and am not afraid to stand alone, but I must put my observations – a slightly different perspective out there.

WHY DO WHORES MARRY AND GOOD GIRLS REMAIN SINGLE?

31 Aug Relationships-411

married-couple 3I recently read a post on social media that said, “the whores from high school are now all the Facebook Prophets and Preachers”. I was like wow! This enraged some women, who immediately became defensive and shot down the proclamation. I myself was not mad at the comment – I began to analyze it. The comment reminded me of a situation that I witnessed several years earlier. There was a young lady who attended college with me that had the reputation for being – for lack of a better word – a whore and a freak. I vividly remember thumbing through a well-known magazine, turned to the social scene and there she was arm in arm with a very handsome man; they had recently married and were being featured in the magazine. My initial thought was, “wow, this is Tracy (not her real name) from college – the campus freak!” Quite honestly, I was so surprised that later that evening, I shared what I had read with a close friend forgetting that I was driving with my younger brother and his friend in the back seat, until they overheard me say, “do you remember Tracy, the freak from college?” Then heard them laughing hysterically at my comment! I apologized for my language, and proceeded to tell her that Tracy and her HUSBAND were featured in the latest issue of a magazine in the social scene section. She, like me was surprised to say the least; her response was, “I guess there’s somebody for everybody!”

Married-coupleWith that, I’m back to my original thought when I read the Facebook post and replayed this scenario in my mind, “why do whores marry and good girls remain single?” I realize this is not entirely true 100% of the time, but for those ladies who like myself did not get married in our twenties and did not marry our college sweetheart, we lived life a little before we got married; I know I’m not the only one who as a single person went to a wedding where the bride had what we used to call “a reputation” and sat there thinking, “such-and-such, who is also known as ‘the whore’, of all people is getting married – Lord, why am I single!” I personally don’t hate when it comes to other people’s success and happiness, I am always happy to witness another’s success. However, I must be honest when I say that as a single person at one of these weddings, I would think, “if there is someone for her, Lord knows there is someone out there for me!” I’m just being honest right now.

married-couple 2Similar, to a phenomenon I wrote about Bad Boys and the Women Who Love Them, I think the same philosophy holds true for men who are attracted to and subsequently marry women who are sometimes considered “loose”. The initial attraction is in the fact that these women are exciting, adventurous, and may have actually pursued them. The man may also feel like once she is with him, she will no longer desire to be with other men. Whatever the reason, it just makes me wonder, “do good girls finish last?” and “why do loose women marry and wholesome women remain single?!” What are your thoughts?

Is It Okay for a Woman to Ask a Man to Marry Her?!

1 Aug Wedding Rings
Woman asking man to marry her

Marriage Proposal

This photo has caused quite a stir on social media over the past few weeks – a woman on her knees asking her boyfriend to marry her. The original caption and story that accompanied this picture when I first saw it stated that the gentleman had already proposed to the young lady, then at their engagement party, she reciprocated the gesture. All of this aside, and not surprising that after a few shares on Facebook, the original caption and story disappeared and just the image is being shared asking, “is it okay for a woman to propose to a man”.

I’ve actually discussed the issue of a woman pursuing a man, Loveclick for post, and should a woman ask a man to marry her, click for full post in previous blog posts.

What are your thoughts? In this day and age is it okay for a woman to ask a man to marry her?

Ask Terry411

30 Jul Ask Terry

July 29, 2014

This is a question that was posted on Facebook:

In a marriage, who should pay all the bills, the husband or the wife?

Ask Terry411

Financial Icon

My edited response:

Depends on the agreement of the husband and wife, every household is different and as someone else mentioned this sounds like a question for a married couple with separate bank accounts.

My thought on it, as husband and wife you have joint bank accounts that all your money goes into, therefore when you are paying bills it is not who is going to pay this bill or that but the combined money pays all the bills.

What are your thoughts?

Ask Terry411

Divorce Decree

Food for thought ~ over the years finances have always ranked among the top 3 reasons why couples divorce.

 

Link

Is a Background Check In Order?

30 Jun

Is a Background Check In Order?

Do you do a background check on the person that you are dating? If not, after reading this, you may just start to.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 987 other followers